I have neglected you. I am sorry. Life got in the way but I promise you that not a day went by that I didn’t think about you.
Things have been a little crazy. I decided, upon becoming a slightly manic confused mess to stop taking my medication. At first I felt fantastic. I took up exercise, started running, obsessed about it and just when I started to think that perhaps I didn’t have anything wrong with me after all I hit a very grim low and I haven’t done a great deal of anything since (you should see the laundry pile… OK piles). I lost faith in my book and stopped writing. I skipped college for two weeks, I simply couldn’t face people. I even stopped taking cat pictures.
Dearest blog I am sure you will be displeased by my excuses but please, please let me assure you that I am piecing myself back together.
I’m writing again..or trying atleast…
Major charity shop treasure.
and what is life without cat pictures?
Prince, looking not so ‘petit’
So all in all dearest blog I am sorry, forgive me?
Attempting to act normally during an hour-long ordeal at Weight Watchers whilst doing, what your sister accuses you of doing “the risperidone shuffle“.
I’m not actually taking risperidone but Abilify is pretty similar. It’s nice when someone who cares for people with dementia recognises that you have similar behaviour.
Wednesday was the big day. D day. D for diagnosis. After years of lying about how I feel I’ve spent some time opening up and jumping through the various NHS hoops, as well as hanging about on their waiting lists, and finally got confirmation (of some sort at least) and some new medication.
4 days in and my head seems clearer already, I’m not sure if this is really the meds or just some crazy placebo effect going on but I’m not going to complain. My attention span is still shot to shit but the fact I have managed for the first time in weeks to sit down and cobble some form of writing together is immense. Part of me wants to steal a car and drive 100 miles an hour into a brick wall. Part of me just wants to go to sleep. This is a new level of calm and normal that I’m not used to.
If most of the people who know me read this they’d probably be surprised and frankly I feel like an attention whore for writing this drivel but I started this new blog to be honest with anyone reading it and mostly myself. I didn’t intend for it to become a blog about mental illness (shit that’s a bit scary) but I don’t think the odd post about it’s going to hurt… right?
I promise the next post will be about cats!
OH DEAR LORD THE NAUSEA. Early days yet, hoping for an improvement pretty soon or at least a better nights sleep.
Advantages: to having a manic episode during which you decide to become a chocolatier.
When it’s over you have a chocolate stash Willy Wonka would be proud of and that will probably keep you going for